An impatient lifestyle....

It's crazy how some things in your life can bring you to your knees more than once in your lifetime.  I thought I had dealt with my past and moved on, but now I stand in front of a man who wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and now I find myself face down-truly dealing with my past.  For the first time in my life I am able to understand why those around me taught me to wait until I was married to give away something so precious.  For the first time, I stand disappointed, facing the consequences of my actions.  Why? Because for the first time, he is the only one that matters.  It doesn't matter what everyone else has to say about me, just him, and now more than ever I cry out to the only one who knows my pain--Jesus.  Constantly, I find myself begging for Christs forgiveness, knowing I have His forgiveness.  I beg because I'm not sure I have completely forgiven myself yet-I'm learning.  As I learn I pray for patience in my own life and the life of those around me.  Patience--I have found I must learn through the trials of this life.  I want too many things, too much information in my life on my owm time and forget that God's timing is perfect.  Like so many of us I try to get ahead of the game and often find myself more frustrated than I was from the start.  At this time in my life I'm learning to step back and let God lead.  Although its easier said than done.  God never gives us more than we can handle and right now my life is at its peak...so I am learning to be patient and trust the only one who can save me!