My story starts towards the end of my freshman year of high school. I grew up in a Christian home going to church, youth group, that sort of thing, going only because everyone else in the family went. I didn't understand why we went, but knew that there were certain rules to follow, and One very special person(Jesus Christ) who died to save my sins. The rules seemed numerous, and I never understood why one man would die for my sin. So, my freshman year we got a new youth pastor who knew a lot about what to-do and what not to-do, and even more about how not to follow his own advice. Needless to say I wanted to experience life: without rules!
So I did; well....tried to. Sophomore year I no longer wanted to be known as the "goody-goody." So I experimented, smoked a little pot here and there, got drunk every once in awhile, sometimes threw in a cuss word, nothing too extreme right? Friends noticed, some congratulated, others disappointed. For once I felt noticed for who I was and not for what society made me. My old friends were quickly put on the back burner and my relationship with my parents quickly dwindled. This year was also the year that my parents(and I) decided to take in a family friend because of problems in her own household. It was good for awhile, we shared a room together, bunk-beds, and she became that sister I never had but had always wanted. Stories of what happened to her in her past my family strived to never have happen again. We locked away knives (sometimes forks), razors, pills, anything that could be used as a weapon. Counseling sessions, sessions to watch and make sure she swallowed her pills, mandatory youth group. Cell phones, and or electronics had to be off and in my parents hands by 9pm, and a body check every night to be sure she didn't try cutting and or killing herself earlier in the day. Needless to say, she needed more help then my family could give. I was jealous in a sense, because I became that awkward middle child that nobody pays attention to. She loved the attention and I only wanted her to get better, she didn't. She told my parents about me smoking and drinking, even though she stood right next to me and joined in. So the rules under their roof became ten times worse. Have you ever tried to pee in a cup the size of a golf ball? Let me tell you, that's not an easy task, especially for a female. I mastered it by the time my mom trusted me enough to stop testing me. She also tried convincing friends that the life she lived at home with my parents was horrible and that my parents were crazy, yet nothing but a smile appeared on her face under their roof. She manipulated my parents into getting anything she could have possibly wanted. By the time my parents realized what was happening, my relationship with them was already gone. Even worse, their trust in their only daughter was completely shot. Towards the end of my sophomore year I started dating an old neighborhood boy. He was my knight in shining armor, my Romeo. He understood me and for once in my life I felt love from someone else besides my parents(or what I believed was love). He became the center of my life, nothing else mattered. I gave him everything, including my virginity. I loved him after all and he loved me and my sixteen year old heart saw nothing but what Hollywood portrays in movies. We partied, drank, drank some more, smoked pot, smoked some more, until everything that day eventually became....black. Hollywood must've forgotten to prepare young pups like myself for broken hearts. My heart was so vulnerable and so new to a relationship that it preferred the love that I felt for this boy over any other flaw in the world; including disloyalty. For two years I told myself "people change" and for two years he promised me things would change, he would change. He promised they would change because he loved ME. Wanted to marry ME. Have a family with ME. I held that promise dear to my heart; that promise was never fulfilled...
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