My blessing in disguise. As I tried to pick myself back up I realized that these things in my life lead me nowhere close to happiness. I woke up everyday dreading every hour, hoping it would end seconds after it began. What was the point anyways…I worked to pay my bills, I paid my bills to keep myself alive, but yet I found no purpose to any of it. Well somewhere down the road my roommate decided she would be the one to move out and I came home to an empty room, no roommate, and her friend that had been living with us for months. She left him with no place to go, no job to pay for bills, and me to continue providing him shelter. Not gonna lie he and I got through a lot together. In the end he tried real hard to do his part in helping me. It's lonely coming home to an empty room where someone you use to call a friend use to occupy. Hurts even more coming home to a completely empty house and a letter on the table saying your roommate was in jail. At the time I felt like it was me against the world and I was completely and utterly alone. Being alone gave me so much time to think, to talk things out with myself. I never thought I would find the blessing out of all the madness in my life. I sat in my apartment thinking about everything that had happened in my life. Disgusted, angry, confused, I fell to my knees and sobbed. I begged for God to take his child back, to allow me to be his daughter again. I knew I screwed up and I understood now why the things I did hurt so bad. It was then that the weight of what I had done was lifted off of my shoulders. It was then that I felt peace. It was then that I felt love--true love. An unconditional love from a man who loved me for who I was, regardless of the things I had done in the past. It brings such joy to my heart knowing that there is a man who forgives me for the pain I put him through. Day in and day out I break his heart and he weeps for me. The sin in my life, in this world, He takes on for me. His name; Jesus Christ. It is because of Him that I was given a second chance at life! Out of all the people in the world he remembered me and to this day I choose to remember Him. My daily life is still hard, things are not by any means easy, but I can say that God's unconditional love helps me find purpose in this life. I know now that without Christ I am empty and the void in my heart is never filled. My biggest fear is that there isn't enough time left to tell the world that there's no time left.
