This past month has been an extremely long thought process of many things. Why am I here, what am I doing, why do I have to be apart from my fiancé for so long, why do family problems happen when I'm not there, why can't those I love see the love that Christ has for them, what is the point in trying when everything seems to fall apart. In all fairness I don't know "why", but I do know that the Enemy comes to kill and destroy and he wants me to play his game. I also know that I will fight back. In time, I will find my purpose here, time apart from my fiancé will provide growth not only in us but in Christ as well, family problems will be resolved with prayer, those I love I can only continue to love and pour into, and the point of trying is to win the war that the Enemy continues to loose.
When I came here last year I went back home "knowing" that Latvija was my home, that when I got accepted into the internship and raised support I would know that that's where I was suppose to be long term. Well the plan I had written for myself turned out to need a lot of editing. In the process of writing my own story, God wrote into my life an entire new chapter. A chapter that entails me falling in love with my knight in shining armor who I have given my hand in marriage to. Undoubtedly I knew that God was still calling me to go, and Stephen supported that decision and also was accepted into the short-term internship. I still wanted to write my own story. I wanted things the way I had invisioned them in my mind. Now, my story only got better, my knight in shining armor could live here with me, serve Christ and pour love into these kids, and we would live happily ever after.
What fantasy world was I living in! This isn't Hollywood! How selfish could I possibly be, not only to Stephen, but to God as well. There was a moment in intern training when God allowed me to check my hopes and dreams at His front door. After a long time of battling my heart and what I wanted for my life, I left those hopes and dreams in God's hands. It was by far the hardest thing I have had to do. Not only was I choosing to get rid of my own story, but I have also chosen to allow God to pick up the pen and continue the story he started. The reality of the fact that I may never come back to Latvija killed me. It's no longer a one way decision it's two, well actually three. I didn't want to think about where Stephen felt called to, I was selfish. My heart so badly longed to be here, so much so that I failed to see the urgency for Christ in my own home town. This summer God has been showing me that it doesn't matter where you are. Your missions field, your "home", is all around you. God's hand is at work everywhere. We are His army!! What kind of army is stagnant? NONE! Now that I understand that, I can go wherever God places me, granted I may kick and scream on the way there, but God always brings me back to His reality.
So, as I continue in this internship, I know one thing; I am to be a disciple maker to make disciples. I am to pour love into lives here simply because I love them. I am here to proclaim the Father that saved my life. I am here to serve the lost and hurting so that then they can do the same when they find Christ!! I am excited to see what work God provides as these days to come approach!
Please be praying for me. Struggles and challenges come and go and I need a lot of guidance and wisdom from Christ to pull me through.
